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Thankfully, we no longer live in a studio, and we are better as resolution than back then.


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Thanks, Mandie — I can relate! I remember taking a pillow to my car because we lived in a small apartment and I just wanted some space. Or maybe I just wanted to ignore it, like you did! I think in the last few years, I have become more comfortable with not agreeing, which has definitely helped.

I went on a whole lot of late night runs like, the kind with jogging shoes that first year just to cool off a bit. I had to learn how to fight. So I would just turn my back and hide from his eyes and try to make myself invisible. It drove the poor man insane. We had some counselling, I got braver and now I fight really well when I need to. It is less scary and I get that it is important. He is still here, which proves that I was wrong and fighting is healthy if you do it ok.

I agree about no perfect solutions, though, despite the fact I always think my solutions are!

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What an inspiring story. Also, there is so much security in knowing you can voice yourself without fear that the other will leave. Thanks for the reminder not to take that for granted. Best wishes to you! I have several friends who have literally—as part of personal mentoring situations—had to sit at a table and listening to a married couple argue.

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The Vocation of Marriage Marriage is a call to holiness. I felt like I couldn't completely be myself around Scott. If we were out with friends and I started joking around or saying something silly, Scott would give me a stern look or actually tell me to stop. I found myself longing for a partner, not a father figure. I even started going to a therapist to try to figure things out. I tried to convince Scott to go with me, but he refused.

One of my biggest gripes was that unless Scott wanted sex, he never held my hand or kissed me. Scott believed that young married couples should make love three times a week. He would go on and on about it. So to shut him up, I would force myself to have sex with him. Sometimes the sex was good, but I resented him for pressuring me.

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When I asked Scott to be affectionate outside the bedroom, he'd say that it wasn't in his nature. But he showered our girls with hugs and kisses. I wanted to be adored like that. The only time I completely forgot my problems with Scott was when I was at work.

I loved my job as a medical lab technician, and I took pride in it. Around work friends, I was outgoing and bubbly, always smiling and joking around. But when I came home at night, the reality of my life with Scott would hit me full force. Scott wanted me to work because my job had health insurance, but he also wanted me to keep the house clean.


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On some level, I knew Scott put pressure on me because he was unhappy with his job but didn't really have the confidence to leave it. But I also felt like he was comparing me with his mother, who had been an amazing stay-at-home mom. I used to pressure myself to do more, but the more I did, the more stressed I got. Sometimes, I'd just give up and not do any housework. It didn't hit me how sad and overwhelmed I felt until the winter of , when Jessie asked me: "Mommy, why does Daddy always yell at you and tell you what to do?

And as I stared into my sweet 3-year-old's eyes, it hit me: I'm done working on this marriage.

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The Marriage Diaries

Craving attention, I started flirting with the doctors at work. I had recently lost 20 pounds of baby weight and felt good about the way I looked. Soon he was showering me with compliments. Tom treated me like a princess, and I loved the attention. He'd bring me coffee or cut-up pieces of fruit for breakfast.

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He looked at me with adoration, which Scott never did. One night Scott came out with me and my work friends to a Mexican restaurant and saw that Tom was staring at me. I could tell Scott was uncomfortable. I wish I could say that Scott had no reason to worry, but I was definitely attracted to Tom.

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He wasn't better-looking than Scott, and he was 18 years older than me. But I loved his cologne -- he smelled great. Mostly, though, I loved that he told me how beautiful, sexy and special I was. Sitting at my desk, I'd sometimes look up to find Tom standing over me, smiling. At other times, I'd feel his warm hands rubbing away the tension in my shoulders. We were supposed to wear scrubs to work, but I started dressing up for Tom, choosing lower-cut sweaters and nice pants.

I didn't know then that I was going to have an affair; I just knew that I had to have Tom's attention.