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It would initially seem that Patti was right. One of the greatest compliments that you can pay a gay man is that he doesn't seem gay.

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Sadly in our heterosexist culture, being able to seamlessly integrate into the mainstream is still prized above all else. And we see it on Manhunt and Grindr and all the other ways we cruise all the time: "no fats or fems" and "looking for men who are men. Part of this has to do with trying to avoid perpetuating stereotypes. Gay men are always telegraphed in media as limp-wristed, fey Carson Kressleys.

A Fem's Playground - AbeBooks - Shatika Turner:

It's a gay man made easily recognizable by his feminine affect. After years of being dealt these distasteful archetypes, gay men are rebelling against them by butching it up as much as possible, at least in public. But it also has something to do with sexism and misogyny in a larger sense. A gay man wants to be a man because being like a woman is still somehow thought of as less than.

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We're taught our whole lives that boys who don't want to play football and blow things up are "sissies. And what kind of person would want to act like a girl when they were born with the privilege of a penis between their legs?


All those gay men out there who don't want any "fems" are still reliving those days on the playground, shunning anything that has any trappings of being like a woman. Well, know what, Patti Stanger? There are plenty of people out there who just love a queen. Her poetry book is titled, "The Ill Truth. Convert currency.

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    In Praise of Queens

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